Time for a ghost topic! Why Men Disappear Not so typical , but about the phenomenon called “ghosting”. It may seem that ghosting is a recent term and associated with the growing popularity of online dating sites (read the article on the pros and cons of meeting people online ). The fact is, the term itself gained popularity around 2000, but “ghosts” have always been a common occurrence, YourLatinMates.com especially in the dating world. So what is ghosting and how to deal with it?
Ghosting – what does it mean?
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, ghosting is “the act or practice of suddenly cutting off all contact with someone, for example with a former love partner, by stopping telephone calls or answering messages. Most of us think about ghosting in the context of being cut off in the digital world and rather in a romantic relationship, but the phenomenon of disappearing without saying a word can happen in many different social situations. Many sales people also experience ghosting when the customer who was supposed to let you know what he thinks about the offer never picked up the phone again!
Types of ghosting – ghosting in friendship, in a relationship
Research shows that rejection of any kind, including wordless abandonment, activates the same pain-sensing pathways in the brain as physical pain. However, we don’t react this way to every disappearance without saying a word. Wendy Walsh, professor of psychology, lists 3 types of ghosting . The first category is the so-called “light ghosting” – that is, no response from people with whom you do not have a close relationship / emotional bond, or with whom you have had contact several times / 2-3 meetings. “Average ghosting” takes place when you have met a person several / a dozen times, Why Men Disappear Why Men Disappear the relationship is emotionally close / lasts a long time – several months. “Heavy Ghosting” applies to situations when a person with whom you have a longer-lasting friendship or a longer-lasting intimate relationship disappears without a word.
Ghosting – psychology of “spirit” behavior – Why Men Disappear
If you have been dropping off without saying a word, you may be wondering if you can recognize a potential ghost early in the relationship? It is not always easy to recognize a YourLatinMates tendency to such behavior, but here are some tips that you should pay attention to in the future:
- Secret– little secrets can even be sexy at first. However, pay attention to whether it is an innocent mystery or rather secretiveness and despite several meetings you are unable to learn anything about this person (work, friends, family, plans for the near future, etc.).
- Constant passivity– passive attitude after a few meetings, sometimes after the first, and sometimes already in electronic contact.
- Lack of empathy– in difficult situations. People who have problems with empathy are able to disappear without a word even from a relationship / relationship with a longer period of time.
- Self-focus– with little interest in the other party’s needs, vision, dreams.
- Very high online activity– with little interest in face-to-face meetings.
- Love bombing– a very large amount of compliments, quick pursuit of intimate contacts, with no real interest in you as a person – your passions, thoughts, views on the world, etc.
Ghosting – reasons for the behavior of the spirit – Why Men Disappear
There is a small paradox about ghosting. In all kinds of surveys and inquiries, the respondents generally speak negatively about ghosting and do not accept it as a way to end the relationship – over 80% do not accept this attitude (LeFebvre et al., 2019). Still, despite these declarations, year-on-year surveys show that over 80% of people between the ages of 18 and 40 have experienced ghosting at least once in their lifetime (PlentyofFish survey).
So why, despite the low acceptance of such behavior, there are some who choose ghosting? Below are the most common reasons for disappearing without saying a word:
- Convenience, reluctance to conduct difficult conversations that require dealing with own difficult emotions, or 2 people.
- Loss of interest in a relationship, loss of romantic attraction.
- A unique attachment style of cutting off, disappearing when more difficult situations arise.
- Very short acquaintance/ no emotional connection.
- Lack of readiness for the next stage of a relationship/ relationship – this is a real reason. Sometimes the person choosing ghosting is not aware of their lack of readiness and what they feel are doubts as to whether the person / relationship is right, etc.
- Getting to know another person/ recreational dating.
- Protecting the other person from being hurt by telling the truth – the reason given by people choosing ghosting. In reality, in such a situation, often the real problem is the reluctance to confront difficult emotions / feelings.
- Fear of negative emotions, attack, anger on the part of the abandoned person.
- Fear of rejection, so it’s safer to leave first.
Ghosting – how to deal when a guy (he / she) disappears without saying a word?
Ending a relationship is always a form of loss, but ending by ghosting, especially when the relationship has been emotionally close, is more difficult. It leaves the person abandoned from the question of why and does not give the clear closure that we often badly need to move forward. If you experience ghosting in your life, I have some proven tips for you:
- You must give up searching for an answer to the “Why” question. This is a natural stage of mourning, but if after 1 to 3 attempts the person is unresponsive, LETTER! Otherwise, you’ll be stuck in suspension for months, blocking your own recovery.
- You have to understand that the fact that someone has change. Their mind, changed their minds, lost interest is part of life, even if it is very painful. Ending a relationship without saying a word has nothing to do with you, it is the choice of only one person who decided to end it.
- Choose to take care of yourself. Invest in time with friends and family who can support you through this difficult time. Concentrate on what gives you good energy and restores balance, for one person it will be a walk, for another it will be cooking, for yet another yoga!
When the spirit is you – Why Men Disappear
Ghosting is most often analyzed from the perspective of an abandoned person, hints for the ghost itself are often overlooked. Finally, a few more words for you, if it is you who have left without a word.
Why are you really running away? The fact that you do not want to continue a relationship. with someone is okay. Everyone can change their mind, feel something different. If the persistent habit disappears, it can effectively hinder relationship building in the long run. You may not always run away from the person, but e.g. from problems – it’s a very similar mechanism.
Write / say anyway … Why Men Disappear
The law of energy that what we give returns to us applies to everyone! This is a good idea to keep in mind if you are often a “ghost”.
If you do not want a verbal confrontation, you can always express your decision by e-mail.
“ I felt you would be nervous so I avoided contact with you. Didn’t want to confront you so I stopped talking. I realized that we don’t fit together / or it is not. The time for a relationship for me. Enjoy the time we spent together / hope you find what you are looking for.
RELATED ARTICLE: Relationship: 8 Tips to Get Over Your Breakup
The vast majority of the people you meet will not be your ideal “soul mate”, the person for you.
Sometimes you will be the rejected party, sometimes you will be the rejecting party.
In each of these situations, there is room for a solution. That will give you good energy and will not build your future.
If you choose to ghost often, or experience ghosting. Maybe it’s time to take a closer look at patterns, emotions, patterns.